true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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