$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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