I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
