they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
