Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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