My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
