our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
