I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
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