Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
