I cannot find my penis.
You can't special order awesome
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
