I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
