Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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