I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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