Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
