Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
