Buhtt sex?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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