those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I supernannyed him into submission
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
