im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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