Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
