Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
