You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
