Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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