no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
