the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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