Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
