with your own penis?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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