Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
