in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
