you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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