you win again, gameday.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
