shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
