I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She's like a pop up book from hell.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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