Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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