The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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