Only a mothe r could love this liver
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
