I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
