Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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