i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I love having hate sex.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
