he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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