i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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