dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
