My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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