ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
