the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
