youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
