we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
