Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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