So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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