My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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