In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
whose parrot is this?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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