I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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