I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
