those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
How external is "for external use only"?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
