Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
