make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
