I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
