I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
