I saw his package. It spoke to me.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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