Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
