I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
