worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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