billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
