Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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