It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
