I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
So. Much. Porn.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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