He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
