Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
