So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
