She said her name was "party"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
