i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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