If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
