While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
