I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
