Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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