i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
should my penis look like a turkey
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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