In the future we'll all be gay
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
