pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
If I die, sorry about rent.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I love you. Go after that dick
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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