He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
