woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
