Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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