i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
