9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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