I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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