so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
